Who Am I?

Finally the worst of the side effects of the meds have subsided. Still have the jittery feelings, and am more tired than usual. Those are side effects I can live with.

Now comes what seems to be the hardest part of this recovery, trying to find who I am. I just can't seem to figure me out. There are things that I used to enjoy, things I was okay with. Now though I find that these same things now make me uncomfortable and I'm not okay with it.

Things that I felt were inherently part of who I am. All my life I've loved people, enjoy social activities, I've always been a very trusting people person. Now suddenly I find myself shying away from those types of things, I'm not real comfortable with it and I'd rather stay home than go anywhere.

Also I worked a couple days a week and then filled my days off with appointments and coffee/lunch dates, now I'm finding that if I have something on my calendar 3 days in a row I get overwhelmed. This particular thing makes me feel like a loser. My husband goes to work 5 days a week and it's not uncommon for him to work from home on his evenings and weekends, he does work around the house and still has time for #adventureswithjerry. If I have say, a doctors appointment on Monday, work Queen Bee on Tuesday and have to go grocery shopping on Wednesday, I find myself in this useless funk and anything I have the rest of the week takes every ounce of energy I can muster up. I usually find myself in tears the rest of the week. I'm only 48 years old, how can this be?

So this is what I'm working on, if these are part of the new me, that's okay I guess, I can learn to work with it, it's just all weird and confusing to me right now. I'm trying to go through and define who I am, through artwork and lists. It's hard to define ME without using words like, Mom or Wife or Sister, these are who I am to others, I need to get to the core of ME. I'm thinking this might take some time so I'm trying to be patient with myself, just hope everyone else can be patient with me too.